Silently, I spread my memories

Remembering those we are here to scatter:

Sunlight falls upon my face
but still I shiver in cold reality
as life sings it never ending song
while on its path to existing no more

As if stung by an unseen foe
my mind can't grasp the finality
of separation from love's warm security
that had been quietly feeding my soul

Silently, I spread those memories
and leave that which I love
to once again nourish life
as all have done before

The path for me has surely changed
but the end will always be
joining the one I leave today
when I too can be set free

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Scatter those ashes but hold the memories close

A reader commented on the scattering of ashes and believes it will only be a generation or two before we return to putting most bodies in a cemetery. He worries about the survivors being able to maintain a connection with their ancestors through graveyard visits. Scattering to him is the act of leaving no trace for anyone to remember you. It also carries with it, the denial of an afterlife.

I don't believe that scattering ashes is dishonoring the dead. It is my opinion that you do not have to bury a body in a cemetery to honor the dead. There are many ways to leave a memorial to the dead. A memorial can be a permanent marker or a virtual one to visit. Scattering is not an anonymous throwing of ourselves back to nature but a returning of the body to to its origin. Most people will scatter their loved one's ashes in a place along with a marker.

Like my wife, a lot of people will also keep a small amount of ashes from their love ones in a locket to maintain that spiritual connection. The rest will be scattered in a place that honors them. A place they have chosen to forever rejoin the earth. Some choose a cemetery, some a national park, and some a memorial garden.

In the end, honoring the dead is honoring their life. It is not visiting them in a cemetery. It is memories that you should share often with your loved ones still alive. Stories you and your siblings share each holiday about grandma or mom. Those memories that make you smile and bring the love back once more to your face. Scatter those ashes but hold the memories close.

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Green Burial: My Favorite Spot

Photo courtesy of publicdomainpictures.net

A lot of people have come across a favorite place where they go to let their mind relax and their soul regenerate. Sometimes, this is their own garden and sometimes this place is located several thousand miles away. Wherever you place is located, consider having your ashes spread there permanently. If it is a place you own, the easier it will be for your spirit whisperer to spread your ashes there. There is just something sacred about your secret place to relax your soul and it isn't surprising that it is often picked as the final resting place for someone's ashes.

Spirit Whisperer

It goes without saying that a quiet spot will not draw a crowd when you go to spread the ashes. So unless your quiet spot is on top of Mt. Everest, it should be an easy spot to do the spreading. Once again, we caution you to select someone that can accomplish what you wish. Consider the spot, if it is your backyard garden, you can select your spouse. If it takes a long hike, consider a professional or someone in the family capable of doing it at that time. Don't select your brother who might be 80 like you when he has to do this. Be respectful of anyone else who uses that spot and spread the ashes so as not to spoil the spot for anyone else.

Wake

The wake is usually going to be held some where other than your secret space. There is a reason why this place is quiet and a good place to relax. If you plan on inviting a small group or only expect a small group to show up then consider a simple wake. Have the group silently walk to your quiet place and offer a toast with out words. Doing this at sunset with a simple goodbye as they leave you to nourish new life while rejoining the living earth.

Memorial

If their favorite quiet spot was their garden, use their gardening tools and gloves as a fitting memorial. A fishing spot can be marked with their favorite lure at the bottom of the lake. Be sure and put the hook in something that won't end up in a fish. Use the online memorial sites or buy a tree for a living memorial. Please leave the site as your found it: unspoiled for the next person.

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Green Burial: The cycle of life

Water Cycle

I am sure that environmentalist and clean water advocates will not be happy with this particular article. This can also be against the law so check your local ordinances. So do you remember in elementary school when you first learned about the water cycle? Just in case, like me, it has been a long time since elementary school for you, this cycle is depicted in the above picture. Can you imagine a drop of water starting in a mountain stream and making it all the way down to the ocean. Particles of stuff are suspended in the water and carried for who knows how far downstream. So if you really want to spread those ashes, here is what you do.

Have your spirit whisperer take your ashes and mix them with water. They must then hike up to the beginning of a mountain stream and pour the contents in the water. A remote location with no one around seems like a very good idea. In case you aren't aware, the Hindus have run into problems trying to place their ashes in the river. Hindu custom dictates that a father’s eldest son should light his funeral pyre and that his ashes should be scattered in a river or the sea within 13 days. They traditionally place the ashes in the river along with gifts to the deceased. If you travel to India, it perfectly acceptable to do this along with the rest of the country. In other places, you are on your own.

If you decide to spread your ashes this way, donate some money or your time to cleaning up a river. After all, you don't want to end up in a river full of garbage and nasty chemicals. Otherwise, you might as well flush yourself down the sewer. Pick a clear mountain stream and perhaps, as time passes, a small part of you will make its way slowly to the nearest ocean. All along the way, the water will be depositing small parts of your ashes as they get trapped or sink to the bottom of the stream. A very good way to go out in style and return to greening the earth.

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Life is good so Don’t smoke the ashes

sunset: photo courtesy of pdphoto.org

Here at Pyrefyre we talk about picking a great place to scatter your ashes after they have a wonderful celebration of your life. This allows you to go out in style instead of sitting on someone’s fireplace mantle. We have also discussed the practice of leaving a small amount of ashes in a vial to be worn by a loved one. Some have also chosen to reserve a small amount of ashes for use in memorial art but scatter the rest. However, there are risks to leaving any of your ashes behind in an urn or anywhere else. They have been thrown out, stolen, or worse. So it is a good idea to write down what you want to have done with your ashes and select someone you can trust.

If you caught one of the latest news stories about what supposedly happened or will happen to Kurt Cobain’s ashes, you might be inclined to have your ashes scattered somewhere remote. Seems like an artist, Australian Natascha Stellmach, said that she plans on smoking his ashes. She claims they magically appeared one day so she could have this elaborate ritual with them. She has termed what she is doing art. Just how she actually came to have his ashes is a strange mystery that only Courtney Love could ever resolve. The bottom line is that you don’t want anyone with less than a full deck to be in possession of your ashes. Hire a professional or select a trusted friend to be your spirit whisperer. Don’t be the next news story.

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Unusual ways to Scatter your ashes

Some of these may give you ideas for what you would like to do. Others will think these people have lost their mind long before their body was cremated. You might have read about the guy who has money in an account to pay for a stripper to lie there while they pour his ashes on her breasts. It makes you wonder what happens after wards. Will he end up in the dustbin? A woman decided to keep her husband in the kitchen with her by making an egg timer from his ashes. This could be a very good weight loss aid if anyone knew what she used to prepare the food for him or her. I know I would lose my appetite.

 A deceased drag racing fan had his ashes packed into a parachute for a race. When the race was over, the chute deployed and he was scattered at the end of the drag strip. An animal lover wants his ashes attached to a black bear like one of those tracking collars. Hopefully, he won’t ask one of his relatives to put it there for him.

Ashes can be mixed with a variety of things and made into art. One example is the person who had their ashes mixed with ink and made into a comic book. Now, some of these may never have happened or ever will happen. Whichever way you choose to scatter your ashes, be sure and show respect for the person being scattered. As we have discussed before at PyreFyre, it is about going out in style not just as a pile of ashes somewhere.

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Cremation: Out of the Closet

Yellowstone

It is time for some of you to be sure your relatives have come out of the closet. Crematorium directors have complained that their closets are getting full from cremated remains of your relatives. These are relatives of yours and mine that were never picked up after they were cremated. Some poor lost soul that will never see that great view on the Appalachian hiking trail. Stuck in a cardboard box in some basement is worse than getting stuck in a graveyard.

States have various laws that allow the crematorium to bury or spread the ashes but mostly they just hang on to them. Some people have literally walked off and left urns in houses when they have moved away. Another good reason that we here at PyreFyre think you should spread your ashes. Who wants to end up with the cleaning lady or spread around the landfill? These people deserve to Go Out in Style, not to go out with the next treasure sale, forgotten, and placed in the trash bin.

Recently a group of people got together and spread the ashes of some veterans who were simply left at the crematorium. They all thought that someone who had served in our armed forces deserved better. Well, here at Pyrefyre, we believe that other groups should do the same. How about all you Methodists, Baptist, Catholics, and other religious organizations go seek out those with like faith, pray over them, and get them to a better place than in someone’s closet.

This doesn’t have to be to just religious groups. There are a lot more organizations out there that can check on their members. Unions, Fraternal organizations, any and every kind of organization can do their part. Try and track down the relatives of the decedent left there and get resolution for that soul left in the closet.

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Scattering ashes by airplane

Waves: Courtesy of pdphoto.org

If you plan on scattering ashes by your own airplane, or by using a pilot friend to take you up, there is something you need to consider. Companies that perform this service report that most ashes fly back inside the airplane or coat the outside of it. They have built systems to guarantee dispersal. So just be aware that it isn’t as easy to spread ashes from an airplane as you think. Trips to scatter with no one attending are $500 or less for reasonable distances.

This method of scattering allows you to decide where you want your ashes to be dispersed also. A flight can be scheduled over some of the prettiest terrain on this planet. California companies will take you out over the ocean or back over the mountains. Select the spot you wish to be scattered and then look for a company in that area. They will know the local regulations for scattering your ashes. You can have the scattering attended by a few friends or relatives if you desire.

Spirit Whisperer

Try and select a nice day either near sunrise or sunset. This will make the pictures and the setting more appropriate for the send off. If you will be the only one there to scatter the ashes, take your mp3 player with headphones for some mood setting music. As a Spirit Whisperer, you should write down your thoughts as the ashes are scattered to the winds. Relatives and friends would want to know how the end of a life well lived was punctuated. Pictures, written thoughts, and a GPS mark of the spot on a chart. A suggestion would be to write down a step by step of everything you did to scatter the remains.

Wake

In the past, airplane dispersal of cremated remains was limited to pilots mostly. So you would expect the wake to be an aviation theme. As more people are opting for this kind of scattering, the wake should reflect their life. More wakes should be held outdoors in a park or forest. If your spirit whisperer is going to take a movie while the ashes are scattered, then think about having the wake after the scattering. The wake could then end with movie showing the final resting place of a life well lived.

Memorials:

Here at PyreFyre, our number one memorial suggestion is to plant a tree or other green living memorial. If you are a part of a group that has several members wanting a green burial, consider building a memorial forest or park just for scattering. Online memorials, electronic memorials, or art memorials are always good ideas.See our memorial page for links.

I really don't believe it is appropriate to offer a reward to kids based upon
something their parents have to do. Whether or not their parents sign your form is certainly out of their control. It also puts the kid in a bad position between the parent and the teacher just because they want a reward like the rest of the kids. You should really rethink this plan.

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Transporting Cremation Ashes

Grand Canyon: Courtesy of pdphoto.org

One of the most frequent questions asked about scattering ashes is can I legally transport them to that beautiful mountain place. Sure you can. Some issues may arise depending on the type of transportation you choose. Travel by car if you can but if you need to fly, you must consult with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) if you have any questions about the transport of the cremated remains on an airplane. Their current number is 1-866-289-9673 and their email is TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov.

It is also recommended that you call the airline before you purchase a ticket because each one will have their different rules. The ashes must be carried in a container that can be x-rayed in order for them to be carried on board. A cardboard box or one of these style boxes will work. Security agents are not allowed to open the urn of cremated remains.

Do not check your ashes! Some have come up missing. You certainly don’t want them staying in baggage claim with all that lost luggage.

If you intend to place anything in the box along with the ashes, wait until after the flight. In Miami, someone found a box of ashes filled with cremated remains and a watch to be buried with them. It triggered a bomb squad alert. So be careful what you place in the box. It is best to just transport the ashes alone and add the extra items at your destination.

If you plan on international travel, it gets more complicated because you have to get the specific country regulations. Do your homework. Don’t leave it to your relatives to do after you are gone. They should have very good instructions on what they need to do.

If all this seems like too much. There are companies that will ship the remains for you.

Just don’t let any of this make you decide to skip the spreading of you ashes in a truly wonderful place. Go out in style.

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